Bust

So my friend who I was going to ------ with did not call me so I didn't get to do what I originally planned to do...get my dick wet on college night...it's a bust.

So here here I am on campus, drinking 2 40s by myself as I watch youtube videos and the like, probably hulu right after. I don't blame her, its completely fine, maybe she might call me tomorrow, maybe not. I don't really care. I could have called Oblivivious but I did not. I don't know...cause I could have also called other people to be around with but instead I keep myself on my island, ("I'm bloody Ibiza") refusing all the immigrants and shit...hurray for Obama in passing the Hate Crimes bill and today, I, for myself, found that Republicans especially Boner...bold faced lied about the Health Care Reform Bill. I did not watch Maddow, Oblermann or any of those people: I read the bill itself and there was no mention of government paying for abortions (which I agree with). He is a lying motherfucker and anybody who actually read the bill will know...I'm sorry to be being political but it pisses the shit out of me that people can make a living telling lies (Boner and Fox News...) I still believe in Obama (If Obama's not doing what he promised, its because the people that voted for him aren't doing what they should be doing...and goddamn, look at what he's dealing with)

Boner is not his real name...Boehner or something like it.

I'm such a roller coaster of emotion. On some days, I'm on top of the fucking world and I'm saying, "I fucking love you world, fuck the shit out of me!...please" lol. I don't know that's just the way I am. This model gay guy I know that goes to my campus just broke up with his equally hot boyfriend so I'm glad as shit that I'm the only that doesn't feel like shit...I'm glad that he feels like shit or numb... I don't know, I could have easily found the girl's number and somehow gotten into the gay club but I didn't...and, as said before, I'm drinking 2 40's Miller lite and this nasty Watermelon Flavored alcholic drink...don' drink it. It's called four Loko.

As you may or may not have guessed, I'm drunk as shit BUT it's only 12:45 PM so I have plenty of time to find something else to do...I don't care if that Indie Kid is straight (according to Facebook) I want to suck his dick off and I want him to fuck the shit out of him and all these type of things. I, honestly, still think he's gay and I hate the fact that my other fraternity brothers are hanging out with him regularly and I am not. FML. The drunker I get, the hornier I get...

If you could not tell by now...(in comparison with other posts) I'm drunk as shit (I said that before, but now I'm rereading what I wrote) I"m working on my second 40 after drinking the one and this watermelon shit...

oh God, isn't it amazing that as fucked up as I am, I still type with proper grammar (as much as I can) and spelling...I think my roommate has a big dick. I woke up and he was sleeping and I saw the imprint of his cock THROUGH the blanket and it was sizable...ugh.

This is stream of consciousness on drugs...

here's some pics...






GUYS ARE SO FUCKING HOT!




I need to get my dick wet...



Cody Cachet is so fucking hot...ugh...



Anytime...anyday...ugh

You know that model guy I was talking about...here's a pic of him...

This is ecactly what I'm looking at...I hate myself.lol



Yes!, this guys goes to my university...ugh...why would somebody break up with him...although I do know the boyfriend, and he is hot as shit too..though not as hot as him...FML,...I guess fuck him...or fuck me.

I'm posting this shit now, lol... I might delete it tomorrow so download those pics, lol. So, I just picked up my beer cup and there was nothing in it...either my roommate drank all that shit or I did...My guess is that I did...holy shit, lol. I, honestly, thought it was full.
FMS

Forward Moving

We made plans and we're going to a gay club together for college night.

But before we made plans, she decided to think of every gay friend she has and direct them my way.

But before she directed them my way, she asked me what my type of guy was.

But before she asked, she said that she loves seeing people like me start on their journey to self-discovery.

But before she said this, I came out to her and and a gay guy right after class: and their jaws dropped like every else.

But before I came out, I realized that the gay guy was a whore and that she was dyke: and they made fun of me for being a virgin.

But before I realized this, I thought this was just another group project with a bunch of apathetic college students who happen to have the same class together, and probably will never see each other again.

But before I thought that, I thought of him


and the penis with a body attached.


And after all this, I gained the "alternative" friends I wanted: 2 gays, 1 lesbian/bi, and 1 straight girl I made out with.

And after I gained them, I can't get this thought out of my head:
At the moment of commitment, the universe conspires to assist you. - Goethe

I committed to come out and everybody's been cool. I committed to getting "alternative" friends and they drop on my lap. I committed to Oxford since freshmen year and I'm leaving for it in two months.

And before I finish this, she asked if I wanted a boyfriend...I avoided the question because I didn't want to seem wanting...but who am I fooling?

certainly not the universe and certainly not God. =)



FMS

Why I Love Halloween

In the span of a three day Halloween Weekend; I started at square one then I gained a faghag, a gay friend, a fucked up liver, and slightly less brain cells when I started. College has singlehandedly turned Halloween into my favorite holiday three years straight...

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I wore the blue Star Trek shirt Spock sported in the films but the whole time I was Captain Kirk. I was Chris Pine. I was cool. I was the leader of this ship, its crew, of my life. I took control wherever I went. “Fire those lasers! Reverse manuever! Go through that warp hole! Good lord, that's a tight fit, but we'll press on and on. This is my ship, your my seamen and we're going all the way!” I was the man of the hour, at least in my own mind and this girl...



Friday Night:
I came out to this girl and we made out. Or as I came out to her, I also decided to make out with her. Or as I was kissing her, I was thinking that I must be gay. Here's one of the strangest conversations I've had:

“I'm gay”

“no, you can't be. But you're so straight. I don't believe-”

“But I am! It's on a need-to-know basis but yeah, I am. The funny thing is that these other girls we came with don't know and I've known them for longer!” (I went with all girls...)

“But, but, I do think your cute (after I asked her)”

“No really, I'm gay. Let me show you (motion to my soft cock)”

Her: moan, whine, bitch, moan (all with an air of utter disbelief) but no, you're lying. You're so straight and your telling all these girls your with don't even know?

“nope, its funny right but it sucks, I wish I was straight but what can I say, this is what I am...”

Then I went for it and kissed her, not having kissed anybody in years...then I waited. I remember this one episode of Will and Grace where Will kisses a girl and the girl says, “you kiss nice, you kiss like a girl” And so I waited, my ego about to explode when she tells me how fucking awesome I am at kissing wich I just had a natural talent for. I like to think this.

“so how was that?”

Her:...you kiss like a guy...

What the fuck does that suppose to mean? Don't you know I'm gay and as such, shouldn't you know that we're all little attention whores. I'm waiting for you tell me I look like Chris Pine! I have self-esteem issues, don't you know my ego needs to be stroked every damn day! Tell me cause I need to know when I actually meet my boyfriend. I'm just practicing on you so when I do meet my man, he'll love me the moment we first kiss. He's going to think that I must be a keeper because who else can kiss like me, and from there we'll do everything. Of course, I only thought of all these things the day after cause I was busy...(did not get laid)

At the end of this which lasted for hours, her nasty boobs spilling over my body, her icky legs grazing up on me, and her entire attitude convinced me entirely that I must be gay, I decided never to make out with some girl to determine if I was straight or not. (maybe some one prettier) I don't know, all I know is that I fee like a slut after making out with her. That's never happening again, with girls at least...and in the corner of my eye, I saw my other girlfriends gossiping about me already. “I guess FMS and girl are going to hook up...” and they would laugh amongst themselves. “They must be so drunk...lolz”

Little did they know how completely absurd the entire kissing/coming out conversation me and this girl we're having.

She friended me on facebook the next day.



Saturday Night:
Me and roommate got off work late and we're steadily growing wearied that Halloween was going to be a bust. No, it can't be. We had to find something, we had to party on Halloween. I had to be Captain Kirk again. I had to be cool again in a trekkie kind of way. A few phone calls and we're in and I saw a friend I haven't seen in a year. Let's call him Oblivious.

Flashforward to the party, we're in the middle of the dance floor. There's people grinding around us, and I was trying desperately to catch up to their sobriety or lack thereof. Oblivious was a shot man, I was a beer man. We exchanged drinks. He too was playing catch up and he sent his friend to get him some more beer, and then I asked:

“So, I never asked you this before but...are you gay?”

He slurred his speech a bit, “well I'm fine with it now but yeah I am” The music was loud as shit.

“oh that's cool, I always kinda thought you were cause I am...”

Like most people that hear it, especially the Friday-girl, his jaw dropped to the ground and his eyes bulged. He was completely oblivious.

We talked for the rest of night about being gay:

Oblivious: So when did you come out? I'm still not really out to my parents.
Me: I'll come out to them when they stop paying for my education/expenses/life-in-general.
Oblivious: good point.

Oblivious: We live in a fucked up world, don't we? Why do we even have to come out?
Me: This world is fucked up...

Oblivious: So do you go to Pride Alliance meetings?
Me: No. Actually, I'm still kinda weird about going to those types of things and plus, the main reason is that I don't want to go by myself...
Oblivious: Well you know I've going for four years now...and here's the thing, I actually go as an “ally” people there don't really know I'm gay...
Me: (Smiling) I'm pretty fucking sure they know...you are obviously gay.
Oblivious: I'll go with you though.
Me: I would like that.

Oblivious: how did you know I was gay? People don't really know until they tell me, like you, you know? People at home still don't know.
Me: I knew it from the moment you opened your mouth...Those Zac Efron posters in your room are also a dead giveaway. You dear sir, are a fag.

Oblivious: See, I always kinda thought you were gay. Or at least bi. Here's how I know: one time I was talking about Madonna to people and you were the only one that seemed remotely interested in her.
Me: I couldn't give a fuck about Madonna.

The way he acted, as if he was some macho type guy made me laugh. He tried desperately to figure out why he didn't know. He was completely oblivious, not only to my sexuality but to his own attempts at seeming more “manly”. It was cute and endearing as was my fraternity.

Fraternity: hey, so are you interested in that guy?
Me: Fuck no! he's just a friend
Fraternity: then I wasted a fucking shot, asshole!

It feels nice to know that my fraternity are willing to liquor people up just for me...I didn't know that before, in fact, I didn't know a lot of things about people.

Me: I desperately need a boyfriend...
Oblivious: you know this ring I wear...

I looked down, and for the first time I noticed a thick, silver ring on his middle finger.

Oblivious: He gave this to me. He gave this to me because he loves me and I love him. There were times when I could have broken it you know, our relationship I mean especially with this one guy...but I didn't. Right now, he's at another school and I'm right here and we're separated. But we promised each other. In the five states that recognize our love, one day we're going to be together and we're going to marry each other.

His big, blue eyes met mine, and I knew he wasn't lying. I guess I was oblivious.

“You'll learn something about men and women...the way they're supposed to be. Caring for each other, being happy with each other, being good to each other. That's what we call love. You'll like that a lot.” Captain James T. Kirk

man and man too,
-FMS

“Sometimes a feeling is all we humans have to go on” Captain James T. Kirk
(it works too)